Do you worry about your weight? Like, since you model, do you feel pressured to stay at a particular weight? I'm about 100lbs and struggle with a bit of an eating disorder. What would be your advice to those struggling with eating problems? The reason I ask is because you are so incredibly confident (or seem it) and beautiful that it's admirable.
100!!! Lmao and you’re self conscious about your weight because…? I care more about the shape my body is in, as opposed to the weight of it. I could be 170lbs and if my body was FIT and looked right to me, then I wouldn’t give a fuck. Some days I feel self conscious if I eat and get a little food baby when I’m wearing a crop or tight fit top, but I get over that. A few years ago I used to be super self conscious about my weight. I went to a hugely populated high school in the city where majority of the girls had eating disorders. Helping girls hold their back as they threw up everyday and watching them hardly eat and take massive amounts of Adderall or coke really took a toll on me. I indulged myself in chain smoking cigarettes and hardly eating and even some drugs. I was also best friends with this girl who was/still is an aspiring singer so for her image she had changed her diet completely. I watched her go from eating pizza and Wendy’s and Chipotle to only eating spelt bread, quinoa pasta, and bison burgers and kale chips. I was and am appreciative for the drastically sudden switch up and learning healthier alternatives to our food choices, but her intent seemed to be more in losing weight than her health. Being with this girl day in and day out for years, my diet and therefore, my body had changed a lot. All I remember was that one day her step mother had commented on how much weight we had both lost and then I started hearing it from everyone else. I didn’t even notice. In my head I was still the same size and weight as I was initially in my freshman year, but I never had an issue with my body mass or shape in my freshman year. It was only after being around these girls dying to weigh less than they did that I found myself as unattractive and/or fat. After it was pointed out to me that I actually had lost a severe amount of weight a few times I slowly started to realize that they were right. I started seeing my neck, face and hands slim down. Then I noticed it my lower legs and in my waist, I say lower legs because my thighs used to be quite fat thanks to my Filipino side. As of last year I realized that maybe I had lost more weight than I would have liked when a friend of mine had commented on the butt I used to have lmao. I was devastated. I loved my assets.. And to find out that I had actually lost one was detrimental to my confidence. I probably looked at myself in the mirror for a good fifteen minutes in complete shock. All those years I was so bent out about losing weight and I never thought I’d lose weight in the places I was totally fine with. All I wanted to do was turn back the time and focus on toning rather than losing. So now I’ve learned my lesson that I’d personally rather be toned than thin. So now “needing” to lose weight isn’t even close to the first thought that pops into mind when I look at myself. If anything I’m trying to eat as much as I can handle! I love food and I don’t want to hold myself back from anything that I really want to indulge in. I just usually eat healthy most days and if I’ve just smoked and munching out I’ll indulge in sweets, but I balance those artificial sugars out with antioxidants or my skin’s sake. My skin has become my most focused area of insecurity so I drink lots of lemon water or homemade berry smoothies with flax.